The trick is to say you want to live in her home and "move in" there first. If you married her and asked her to move into one of your homes instead of offering to move into hers, you might not get the bonus. If you are not getting the Lover's Comfort effect after sleeping while she's in the vicinity, it may be because of a glitch associated with the bonus. As long as you are sleeping while Lydia is present in the same cell, it doesn't matter what she's doing. The one who needs to sleep in the vicinity of his/her spouse is your character, not your spouse. On a side note, I'm assuming you've married Lydia, but getting her to go to bed will not help you with Lover's Comfort.
I've never seen those two options come up in vanilla spouse/follower dialogue, so I'm gonna guess that it's either something added by a mod or perhaps the Hearthfire DLC.
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